Tuesday, March 14, 2017


My first baby is turning five tomorrow. I asked him if he wanted to stay little or grow big, and he said “stay little.” If only, my sweetie. There is some comfort in knowing that he will always be a bit younger than typical children, not just cognitively, but also in the way he views the world; with an innocence and joy that we all lose somewhat as we grow up.

I have been struggling a bit lately with some sadness and frustration over some recent blocks in the road for him, and with hearing his latest evaluations reports. The gap between his learning and the age-specific milestones keeps widening. Some days, I just wish things were easier. But today, as I snuggled up with him in the sunshine after school, and looked into those beautiful eyes, I just felt so grateful that he came into my life. None of the other stuff mattered. He will get past the roadblocks in due time. The fact that it takes longer for him to achieve some things can be frustrating to me, but it is essentially fulfilling my wish that he just slow down on this whole growing up thing. :)

He’s so big now. So tall. I still cradle him to sleep for weekend naps and can’t believe the length and weight of him. When did this happen? He was just a teeny tiny baby, reaching his hand to touch my chin in the birth tub. Receiving the news that rocked our worlds feels far away and yet so recent. I’ve been thinking about what it was like when he was a baby, the adorable ways that he grabbed us by the heart on the daily. What I wouldn’t give to go back for just a little while and be with baby Ari again. I’m sure all parents can relate to this desire. Thankfully, he continues to grab us by the heart in different ways. He is still so sweet and funny, and still has the best laugh ever. But now, we also get to watch him learn, listen to him speak (which he does very well), and engage with him in active play. Each age brings new things to enjoy and to be oh so proud of.

Tonight, before bed, we read On the Night You Were Born, a book I have read to him a gazillion times since he was a baby. The book opens perfectly with, “On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you, and the night wind whispered, “life will never be the same.” How true. It will never be the same, and it is so much better.

Now, to figure out how to get him the one request he had for his birthday, strawberries!

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